One Night in Bangkok

For Heidi.

The story of MY one night in Bangkok.

Is that a Fat Joke?

I left for this summer hoping it would be a chance to lose weight and it turned into a growing experience, if you know what I mean. My running shows blew out about the same time that my host mother concluded that fried chicken and doughnuts were all I wanted to eat and so you can imagine the result.

My lovely Thai mother is trying so hard to find foods that I'll like, she'll give me a fish head and a doughnut and if I choose the doughnut, she concludes I must have a crazy sweet tooth. To confirm she offers me pig skin and an ice cream and when I choose the ice cream she assumes sugar must be all I ever want. Though her food is delicious, at this point I'm feeling a little like this bear and very ready to choose my own foods and PORPOTIONS.

Anything but Laos-y Pt 1

This past week was our “last hoorah” trip to Laos before everyone in the group goes their separate ways and get blown to the ends of the earth (for most of us, Provo is that place...). We drove for a day up to the northern border of Thailand and then stayed in this swanky guesthouse that looked like something out of a jungle/movie before waking up the next morning and crossing the river into Laos.

All told, it took us three days to get to our final destination of Luang Prabang, Laos, but what a three days they were! We rented out a slow boat for our group, so 2 of the 3 days were just floating down the Mekong (dodging the Nagas) and feeling like spoiled rich Colonial tourists of the 19^th century.

We all took for granted how breathtaking the sights were. Two days of boating (and playing cards and reading Life of Pi while adrift myself, and making creamer and sugars drinks) brought us more shades of green in the flora and fauna on the shore than I even knew existed. We stopped for the first night in a place whose name I never caught, but it was a village that consisted of one main drag and one hotel and one muskrat whose mouth (yes, mouth. Not teeth) had been removed and was still bloodied from it. We named him Job, cause that's a lot of suffering.

Contrary to popular belief, that's actually not a painting. That's the real Laos. It's beautiful. It was such a surprise to me because I went there sight unseen, with no prior knowledge of the place or what it offered. The Laotian people look a lot different than the Thais too, as different as Cambodians from Thais.

Also, because Laos was once a french colony, they have bread. We took much advantage. Many baguettes (I'm not going to mention that they were filled with peanut butter and banana and nutella) were had by all.

(NOTE: THE TAIWAN AIRPORT WONT LET ME UPLOAD VIDEO, BUT IT WILL COME LATER)

Don't Ostracize Me.

Let me explain. The following, was a result of many elements that all added up to create the perfect storm for me. The elements: 1)the proven fact that I'd been repeated to everyone with ears all day---ostriches can kill lions. 2) walking on to this ostrich farm and seeing the bums of the out-of-commission ostriches worm bare of feathers (no doubt from all of the fat tourists sliding around on their backs), 3) watching the little Thai men wrangle the ostriches with their more than sketchy methodology (lets not talk about the blood), AND last but not least--4) the fact that I never fall down. Even in my stumbling I have cat like reflexes and even when I first learned to ice skate, I never remember slipping. That being the case, I'm not really practiced at catching myself. With those grains of salt, watch the following (I recommend it without sound) :

Humiliations galore.

I grabbed the birds wings, but held loosely because I didn't want to crush its feathers and didn't lock my legs around the front of him because the other one was heaving and I didn't want to constrict this one's breathing so I essentially didn't even try to hold on. (Did you see what I did there? Now I'm the town martyr rather than the court jester. check.) Also, the funniest part of the whole video is the ostrich's face as it runs away. Feel free to go back for round two.

It's days later and I'm still in pain from that fall, but, in order that I can still use that old adage about getting back up the ostrich when you've fallen off (or whatever that saying is), I did re-mount.

A new item on my bucket list is to ride every ridable animal there is (yes.) Ostriches: check! Also, note to self: the chinstrap look? not flattering.

Ricardo, a friend.

So there are suddenly cockroaches in my life. Actually I think it's just one. The roach I see always looks the same and I've seen more than one at a time so, for intensive purposes---it's just one. I named him Ricardo. La cucaracha folks, la cucaracha.

Word of advice, never google "do cockroaches bite?" When I was thinking about what I found there a business card dropped on my arm and I almost had a heart attack. My dad would be so proud of that business card for picking such a good moment to scare me. It's all about the set-up.

Below is a picture of a spider we found in the hills. The leaves aren't good to look at for scale because they're unconventionally enormous as well. It was all neon colors and it looked like a toy spider. I think it would fill up your palm if you had it in your hand.

you are cool.

I just got an email, subject line: you are cool. I opened it (because who wouldn't) and attached was a link to this picture. I post it because 1) it is throwback Thursday and 2) it is a visual representation of the people in whose presence I want to spiritually spend my time.

that is all.

Trekking with the Hill Tribes

Happy Fourth of July! One of these summers, I’ll be back in America to celebrate it, it’s one of my top three favorite holidays. This Fourth was probably my most uniquely spent (though there were no parades or hot air balloons involved. We spent Saturday and Sunday trekking with the hill tribes. I was under the impression that it was a pretty mellow hike so I wore flip-flops and it turned out to be 10 miles of practically straight uphill---no switchbacks. It was madness, but really refreshing. It was the kind of thing where you just feel really good afterward.

We started with elephant riding and one of the elephants that trekked with us had recently given birth so the baby came along too. Everyone’s first reaction is “it’s SOO small!” but be honest folks, that baby elephant is bigger than the biggest dog you have ever seen.

I just seriously could not get over how cute this baby was. The video is total crumb, but the baby! I had a moment with a guy from Yorkshire because he was saying he wanted to---take the baby home with you! I know! (I finished his sentence, we had a moment). We went on from there to hike around through the hills. Our guide’s name was ‘Rambo’ because he helped the crew of the newest Rambo movie schlep camera equipment around when they were filming in that very jungle! He was short but solid.

What I’m saying is I’m practically best friends with Sylvester Stallone by association at this point. Yea, we’re besties---about time. The hike was long and hard and I generally ended up the back of the fast group or the front of the slow group (oh how I hate mediocrity), but suddenly in the early evening we rounded a corner and came upon these beautiful rice patties. They were just like you think southeast asia is going to be and I couldn’t get over them. (literally hiking over them was wet and muddy and nearly took me out).

We camped just beyond there at a waterfall where we spent the evening singing (someone brought a guitar) around the fire. There is nothing better than that. I swear all I need for my life is a camp fire, a guitar, and people to love it with me.

This was definitely one of the best weekends we’ve spent here. The guides made us each little leaf hats that turned out to be like wearing a green house on your head and made us all pour with sweat and we finished off the fourth with bamboo rafting (where 4 of our number got charged by that mama elephant when the baby scrambled onto their raft for some air) and eventually ice cream at Swenson’s where we caught a glimpse of the fireworks from the only 4^th of July part in the city. Life doesn’t get better than that.